Authors Tell All: 12 Juicy Questions with Bestselling Memoirist Connie Kulczycki
Book Title: No Longer Her(e): A Woman’s Journey Through Breakups, Reinvention and the Search for Home
Author Name: Connie Kulczycki
QUESTION 1
What was the moment you knew you HAD to write this book?
QUESTION 2
If your book were a conversation with one person who desperately needed to hear it, who would that person be and what would you want them to walk away feeling?QUESTION 3
What's one story, lesson, or revelation in No Longer Her(e) that you were scared to share—and why did you share it anyway?QUESTION 4
Take us back to your writing process. Where did you write? What time of day? What rituals or conditions helped you access your deepest truth?QUESTION 5 Was there a moment (or two) during the writing process where you hit a wall or wanted to quit? What got you through it?QUESTION 6
Who or what were your greatest teachers while writing No Longer Her(e)? QUESTION 7
If readers take away only ONE thing from your book, what do you hope it is?
QUESTION 8 What surprised you most about yourself through the process of writing and publishing No Longer Her(e)?QUESTION 9
How has writing No Longer Her(e) changed you? Who were you when you started versus who you are now?
QUESTION 10
What's a question you wish someone would ask you about this book, but nobody has yet?
QUESTION 11
Beyond the book itself, what transformation or impact do you hope your work creates in the world?
QUESTION 12
What wisdom would you share with someone who has a book inside them but hasn't started writing yet?
In October 2024, I was in Mexico City healing from a recent life-altering break-up. It was the midst of US election season, and as a freelance marketing strategist, I was up to my eyeballs in campaigns. Each night, I’d fall asleep instantly, sleep like the dead and wake up to spend hours in front of my computer. One morning, I woke up with a vivid recollection of my dream from the night before – me standing before a crowd, thanking them for following me on my journey to becoming a published author. I excitedly got ready for coffee with a friend who was leaving town and before she could even greet me, I exploded, “I’m going to write a book!!!” It wasn’t until February 2025 when I was back in Costa Rica that I really felt the momentum and truth behind those words land in my body. I swallowed the truth that up until then, I didn’t think my story mattered or was big enough to warrant writing. After joining the BOSS Books Writing Collective, my messy first draft poured out of me within 2.5 months – I’d write late into the night, skip lunch with friends and dance to shake the words loose from deep within, because I realized that my story was relatable. It wasn’t groundbreaking or jaw-dropping, and didn’t need to be, because it was the friend you wanted to share everything with at dinner, the comfortable silence in a roadtrip, the feeling when you find someone who just gets it. I wanted to provide that support with my words and knew that was my purpose with this memoir.
Of course, I’d like to say my younger self, and since I have already gone through this process, it’s a book speaking to the person haunted by a feeling that they don’t know how to describe. The feeling that there is something more out there for them. Who is scared to take the first step because it means going against everything they’ve ever learned or seen modeled. That could potentially hurt those they love most. I want that person to know that at the end of the day, they are the only one that has to live their life, to be happy with what they’ve created. And in order to get there, they have to take the first step. I want this book to be that permission slip and spark of inspiration. To see that it is possible and that while it won’t be easy or pretty all of the time, the end result is more beautiful than they ever could have imagined. The strength that they will have developed along the way could never have been attained any other way.
*laugh out loud* The entire book is filled with stories, lessons and revelations I was terrified to admit. As a perfectionist, I never wanted to be seen as wrong or messy. Admitting that I cheated on GI Joe — and then somehow justified it in my mind — was an “Oh my God, what was I doing?” moment while writing. There are very few people I’ve ever admitted that to and now it’s printed for the entire world to see.
But honestly, the part I’m most scared for is my mom to read it. Writing about my relationship with my parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because I didn’t want to hurt them or have it take us backward. I wrote those parts with as much compassion as truth, knowing that real healing doesn’t come from pretending everything’s okay, it comes from seeing it clearly and loving each other anyway.
I hope readers — and maybe my mom — can feel that underneath it all, the book isn’t about blame. It’s about love, accountability and me finally choosing honesty over perfection
I committed to spending a minimum of 30 minutes a day with my messy first draft to get it complete. Not all of it was spent writing, it also included reading through my years of journals, outlining the current chapter I was working on and researching the process of publishing a book since this was my first go-round. I’m a creature of habit so I’d start the day by walking to Lu then I would journal, pull oracle cards and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tap. Then I would blast a song, shaking out any lingering emotions or jitters for what I was about to dive into that day. Finally, I would climb onto the high chair at my kitchen counter, tuck my legs into a pretzel, take a deep breath and open my laptop. From there I never forced the words to come, I just allowed my intuition to guide me.
I hit two major walls in my writing process, both had to do with McDreamy. The first challenge was writing about when I first met him – I was rereading my journal entries from that time and I was stunned to see the red flags that I was concerned about way back then were the exact reason we broke up. The break-up was still relatively fresh, and I was unfortunately living in the same small town as him at the time, so I ran into him on a regular basis. I was forced to confront the grief way more than a typical break-up while contending with the writing process too.
The second wall I hit was when I wrote about our break-up. In that moment of writing, I still wanted to be with him and I didn’t understand how I could be writing a memoir that was supposed to guide others through this process when I was still in the thick of it – I was experiencing a lot of imposter syndrome. Later during the review process with my editor, I realized that these passages leapt off the page with a special fire, and that accessing the breakup’s emotional rawness and capturing the truth of my experience was exactly why this book was relatable and would be successful.
My community, specifically my girlfriends in Costa Rica, were my greatest teachers and mirrors throughout this process. They were able to hold me each step of the way – allowing my grief room to process and joy room to expand. Even when it was directly related to writing my book, I saw my own patterns mirrored back to me in different situations and was able to process them better because I wasn’t directly impacted.
If readers take away only one thing, I hope it’s that your evolution is your responsibility, and your privilege. We’re taught to fear change, to see it as a sign that something’s gone wrong. But I’ve learned that it’s actually the proof that you’re alive. You get to rewrite the story, to outgrow the people who can’t meet you, to forgive the parts of yourself you once hated. You get to begin again as many times as it takes. That’s not failure, that’s freedom.
I thought writing this book would break me open, and in many ways it did. But what surprised me was realizing that the same woman who once doubted her voice, who thought she needed to be chosen by a man to feel whole, could stand on her own and create something this powerful and do it with clarity, integrity and heart.
I didn’t expect the process to be so confronting. Every chapter asked me to meet an old version of myself with compassion instead of shame. But somewhere between the first word and the final edit, I realized I had become the woman I was writing toward all along.
And maybe the biggest surprise? That the healing I thought I was writing about actually happened through the writing and continues to every time I share it.
Writing this book was the ultimate form of therapy. When I started, I was timid, uncertain, playing everything small. By rereading my journals over the last eight years, revisiting where I was back then and seeing how far I had come, confronting the shadow sides of myself that still liked to pop up and wreak havoc, I was able to forgive myself and actually release so much of what had been holding me back. Through this writing, editing and publishing process, I was the only one I could rely on to get it done. I had to prove to myself over and over again that I was strong enough to make it happen and vulnerable enough to share my story. All of this, helped me step into the woman I had always wanted to be but was too scared to admit. Now, I am comfortable, confident, in my light. That’s not to say I still don’t have moments of shame and guilt and uncertainty, but I welcome them because that’s where the growth happens. That’s where we continue to prove to ourselves.
Here’s the question I wish someone would ask me, “What’s something you lost in the process of writing this book that you didn’t expect to?” And my answer:
What I lost was the illusion that healing has a finish line. I thought writing would help me “close the chapter” on my past but instead it kept opening me. I kept revisiting the pain and the grief and the confusion. I realized that growth doesn’t always look like peace – sometimes it looks like grieving who you used to be, even when you don’t want her back. The book didn’t just change my life, it stripped away every layer of pretending I had it all figured out. And weirdly, that loss became the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced.
More compassion.What we see on the outside, is only a small percentage of what that person in front of you is actually about. And with that in mind, to lead with grace and love, because we never know what someone is going through. In a time where it seems like the world is exploding and people are becoming more vocal about their hate, that we should all take a step back and remember that it’s each of our first times on Earth, experiencing what is happening and we are just doing the best we can with the information we’ve been given.
I think most people would say “just start it,” but I would not have been able to complete my book without professional help. My book doula and editor Emily Bauman at BOSS Books provided the framework of how to actually write a book, because it is not for the weak, I have learned. And then not only did she teach me how to write, she provided constant support – with my questions and my doubts from start to finish. Life is nothing if you are doing it alone, and creative work is no different. Writing a book is no different. If not Emily (but let’s be real, it should be her), find someone who has done it before and knows how to provide the guidance to finish the process.
No Longer Her(e)
A Woman’s Journey Through Breakups, Reinvention and the Search for Home
by Connie Kulczycki
